fL N 


Xo Plays Exchanged. 


Price , 15 Cents. 


SPENCER’S UNIVERSAL STAGE. 

No. 62. 

j 7 ) 

V i87! , / 




WHICH WILL HAVE 

HIM? 


s b 3 r 
9 W 9 3 8 5 

A Vawde-yiille, : film One Act, 


BY JOHN A. WOODWARD. 


B OS TON: 

jCHARLES H. SPENCE IL AG-knt, 
149 Washington Street. 



















SPENCER’S UNIVERSAL STAGE. 


^ A Collection of COMEDIES , DRAMAS , and FARCES., adapted to either Public 
or Private Performance. Containing a full description of all 
the necessary Stage Business. 


D 9. 


PRICE, 15 CENTS EA.CH. No Plays exchanged. 


Host in Fondon. A Drama in 
Three Acts. 6 Male, 4 Female char¬ 
acters. 

Nicholas Flam. A Comedy in Two 
Acts. By J. 13. Buckstone. 5 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

The Welsh Girl. A Comedy in 
One Act. By Mrs. Planche. 3 Male, 
2 Female characters. 

Jolm Wopps. A Farce in One Act. 
By W. E. Suter. 4 Male, 2 F. male 
characters. 

Tlie Turkish Bath. A Farce in 
One Act. By Montague Williams 
and F. C. Burnand. 0 Male, 1 Fe¬ 
male character. 

The Two Puddifoots. A Farce 
in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

Old Honesty. A Comic Drama in 
Two Acts. By J. M. Morton. 5 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix. A 

Farce in One Act. By W. E. Suter. 

2 Male characters. 

Smashington Goit. A Farce in 
One Act. By T. J. Williams. 5 Male, 

3 Female characters. 

10. Two Heads Better thanOne. A 

Farce in One Act. By Lenox Horne. 

4 Male, 1 Female character. 

11. John Dobbs. A Farce in One Act. 

By J. M. Morton 
characters. 

12. The Haughter of the Regi¬ 

ment. A Drama in Two Acts. By 
Edward Fitzball. G Male, 2 Female 
characters. 

13. Aunt Charlotte’s Maid. A Farce 

in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

14. Brother Bill and Me. A Farce in 

One Act. By W. E. Suter. 4 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

15. Hone on Both Sides. A Farce in 

One Act. By «T. M. Morton. 3 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

1G. Bunducketty’s Picnic. A Farce 
in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 6 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

17. I’ve written to Browne. A Farce 
in One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 
Male, 3 Female characters. 


5 Male, 2 Female 


18. Fending a Hand. A Farce in One 

Act. By G. A. A’Becket. 3 Male, 

2 Female characters. 

19. My Precious Betsy. A Farce in 

One Act. By J. M. Morton. 4 Male, 
4 Female characters. 

20. My Turn Next. A Farce in One Act. 

By T. J. Williams. 4 Male, 3 Fe¬ 
male characters. 

21. Nine Points of the Law. A Com¬ 

edy in One Act. By Tom Taylor. 
4 Male, 3 Female characters. 

22. The Phantom Breakfast. A 

Farce in One Act. By Charles Sel¬ 
by. 3 Male, 2 Female characters. 

23. Handelions Hodges. A Farce in 

One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

24. A Slice of Fuck. A Farce in One 

Act. By J. M. Morton. 4 Male, 2 
Female characters. 

25. Always Intended. A Comedy in 

One Act. By Horace Wigan. 3 
Male. 3 Female characters. 

26. A Bull in a China Shop. A Com¬ 

edy in Two Acts. By Charles Mat¬ 
thews. 6 Male, 4 Female characters. 

27. Another Glass. A Drama in One 

Act. By Thomas Morton. 6 Male, 

3 Female characters. 

28. Bowled Out, A Farce in One Act. 

By H. T. Craven. 4 Male, 3 Female 
characters. 

29. Cousin Tom. A Commedietta in 

One Act. By George Roberts. 3 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

30. Sarah’s Young Man. A Farce in 

One Act. By W. E. Suter. 3 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

31. Hit Him, He has No Friends. 

A Farce in One Act. By E. Yates 
and N. H. Harrington. 7 Male, 3 
Female characters. 

32. The Christening. A Farce in One 

Act. By J, B. Buckstone. 5 Male, 
6 Female'characters. 

33. A Race for a Widow. A Farce 

in One Act. By Thomas J. Wil¬ 
liams. 5 Male, 4 Female characters. 

34. Your Fife’s in Hanger. A Farce 

in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 
Male, 3 Female characters. 

35. True unto Heath. A Drama in 

Two Acts. By J. Sheridan Knowles. 
6 Male, 2 Female characters. 


) 
















SPENCER'S UNIVERSAL STAGE. NO. LXII. 


WHICH WILL HAVE HIM I 

laututiim, 

IN ONE ACT AND ONE SCENE. 


TRANSLATED AND ADAPTED 

/ 

By JOHN A. WOODWARD. 


n 


l 


% 



BOSTON: 

CHARLES II. SPENCER, Agent. 

1871. 


\ 




i 




WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? 


-»oX*£oo 


CHARACTERS. 

Donna Sylvia de Torrellas. 

La Princess Nadeye Tcherniloff. 
Le Vicomte Maurice de Trany. 


* 


Entered, according - to Act of Congress, in the year 1871, 
By CHARLES ft. SPENCER, Agent, 

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 





WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? 


i 


SCENE. A salon in the Kursaal at Ems. — Double doors , c., 
through which is seen a park. — Window, r. ; doors, r. and l. ; 
sofa, r. ; stand r., near sofa ; table, l., on which are papers and 
writing materials . 

Princess discovered , walking with slow, measured steps. — Glass of 

water in her hand. 

Princess. Truly, this Ems water has marvellous virtues. The 
more you drink the more you want. The first glass was very disa¬ 
greeable, the second very insipid — but little by little I have become 
so accustomed to it that, if I should be deprived of it to-day I should 
be in despair. My physician’s directions must be followed with per¬ 
fectly mathematical regularity. My future husband wishes it, he 
desires it, he demands it! ( she drinks), and I try to show him a 
blind submission — before marriage, you understand; afterwards 
we shall see. ( Walking, and counting her steps.) Let me continue 
my regimental walk, — one — two — three — four — 

Sylvia (entering , c., and stopping at door). I don’t understand 
this. What do I see — a lunatic? No! (To Princess.) Stop! 
You make me nervous. ( Coming forward precipitately.) The 
coolness of this official almost drives me mad. (Sits down violently 
at table, r., and looks at Princess through eye-glass.) 

Princess (aside). Goodness! what avalanche is this? One — 
two — three — four — 

Sylvia. At last I am at Ems. I began to think I should never 
get here. The scenery on the road was superb— at least they say 
so, and I believe them. For my part, I can’t admire scenery when 
I am alone. I kept calling to the coachman, Faster, faster! He 
spoke softly to his horses in German; and the more I scolded the 
more the beasts — that is, the man and the horses — laughed be- 

3 


i 



4 


WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? 


tween themselves at my fury. It will certainly make me gray¬ 
headed — fifty years from now. ( Looking through eye-glass at 
Princess, who continues her walk.) That lady seems to have dis¬ 
covered perpetual motion. I must find out if Lord Maurice de 
Trany is still here. The list of strangers must be in some of these 
papers. ( She examines 'papers rapidly , and as rapidly rejects 
them.) It is not in that — nor that — nor that! ( Throws^them in 
a heap on the floor.) 

Princess {aside, very calmly). That person seems to have very 
irritable nerves. How I pity her. One — two — three — four — 

Sylvia {aside). That can’t be a woman. It is a sentinel of the 
German Confederation in disguise, or else a clockmaker. {Swinging 
eye-glass like a pendulum.) Tic-tac, tic-tac! How comical; how 
foolish. Aside from her peculiar style of locomotion, she seems 
very nice. She ought to have all Ems at her feet. Perhaps she 
can give me the information I desire. {Placing herself in front of 
the Princess, who is forced to stop.) Madame, you have before you 
a person very awkward, very stupid, and very badly brought up. I 
want to warn you of it beforehand. I know that in Europe, in a cer¬ 
tain class, I ought not to speak to people without being introduced; 
but I take advantage of my being a Peruvian to forget these formal¬ 
ities — when they don’t suit me. 

Princess. Your frankness pleases me. {Aside.) Very sympa¬ 
thetic — very! 

Sylvia. You will make me a thousand times happy, madame, if 
you will permit me to ask you a few questions. 

Princess {sitting down). Speak without fear, rnadame. 

Sylvia {sitting down). I know that life at these watering places 
differs essentially from the aristocratic life in your grand cities of 
Europe, and that one admits to confidence here those whom they 
would not recognize at St. Petersburg or Paris. I say St. Peters¬ 
burg or Paris, because you are certainly either Russian or French. 

Princess. 1 am a Russian. 

Sylvia. In the middle of last summer, Paris, where I had been 
staying several months, became suddenly deserted. No more luxury, 
no more toilettes, no more drives; nothing but the dust raised by the 
great feet of frightful countrymen in holiday costumes. My aston¬ 
ishment was extreme. I soon learned that, at that time, every one 
with name, fortune, or talents took to themselves wings and flew to 
Germany, to alight at„Baden, Hamburg, or especially Ems. I re¬ 
solved to follow the general emigration, and here I am, here I 
arrive — too soon, too late, or just right? 

Princess. Well, madame, the season is pretty well advanced. Wo 
can still offer you, however, a good number of margraves, land¬ 
graves, and burgraves, — each one grarver than the other, — and a 
decently presentable assortment of golden-haired ladies, with green 
cloaks and blue gloves. 

Sylvia. Pardon me, in this rapid enumeration you have forgotten 
France. 

Princess. At this moment Paris is not represented at all, and 


WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? 


5 


France but very little. Two or three sleepy magistrates, a notary, 
several migratory pianists, and a few good citizens — I believe that 
is all. 

Sylvia (aside). Maurice is gone. 

Princess (aside). I don’t see the necessity of speaking of Mau¬ 
rice. 

Sylvia. What, not one of those elegant gentlemen that all the 
capitals send to Paris ? 

Princess (rising). O, dear, here I am sitting when the hour for 
my third glass has sounded. 

Sylvia (aside). She is going on guard again. 

Princess. Excuse me, madame, I have a solemn duty to perform; 
I have not a moment to lose; I run, I fly — what unpardonable for¬ 
getfulness ! One — two — three — four — [Exit, counting her stejis. 

Sylvia. That is a new manner of locomotion to me. It is very 
apparent that that young lady was born very far from the sun, but 
that does not prevent her from being very charming. Let me see 
those papers again. Ah, a comic paper. (Reading.) “ It is our 
painful duty to announce the death of—” 0, dear! (Taking an¬ 
other paper.) How is this? “Aphorism: Try to love women 
who dress plainly, when you have to pay for the dresses yourself.” 
Humbug! “The ball at the Kursaal was splendid — ” What do I 
see! (Rising suddenly.) “ The chief topic of conversation is the 
approaching marriage of the handsome Princess Wadjedo r f'chermi- 
loff with a young Frenchman — Le Vicomte Maurice de Trany.” 
He, Maurice, to be married to another when I have his word, when 
I love him —for I do love him. I thought at first I did not care for 
him, but that paragraph in the paper shows me more fully the state 
of my heart. Infamy! Perfidy! So this is the secret of your ab¬ 
sence; so this is why you did not answer my letters, in which I wrote 
so much tender foolishness. This insult will cost you dear, sir. So 
you think you can play with Sylvia de Torrefies like a school girl. 
Don’t flatter yourself. I have the blood of the Incas and the Span¬ 
iard in my veins, and when I am insulted I have my revenge! But 
let me be calm, and write this monster a letter worthy of my indig¬ 
nation. (Sits at table, and writes.) “Monsieur, I know all! Be 
warned ! I wifi horsewhip you — you and your Russian princess — 
wherever I may meet you. I do not salute you. Sylvia de Tor¬ 
refies.” O, dear! that's too flat, too much like rose-water. (Tears 
letter.) * 

Enter Princess, c., carrying large glass of spring water. 

Princess. You see, madame, I have returned. 

Sylvia (not hearing her, lceeps on writing). “ You are a perfectly 
faithless brute ! ” There, that is more expressive. 

Princess (aside). She does not hear me. How agitated she ap¬ 
pears. (She puts the glass on stand, and approaches Sylvia.) 

Sylvia (writing). “I despise you more than I have ever loved 
you, so judge — ” (Rising impatiently.) It’s no use; I can’t ex- 


6 


WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? 


press myself in a letter, nor paint my indignation. I must tell him 
myself what I think of him, and give him a piece of my mind. I will 
beard the lion in his den ! ( Perceives the glass of water , and drinks.') 
Bah! That’s awful! 

Princess. That’s my glass of water, if you please. 

Sylvia ( imitating ). Excuse me, madame, I have a solemn duty 
to perform ! I have not a moment to lose! I run ! I fly! 

[Exit, impetuously, c. 

Princess. Well, that style of motion is altogether new to me. 
Where can Maurice be? After having read that article in the paper 
speaking of us, to avoid the epigrams of our enemies, and the jokes 
of our friends, I told him not to come to the spring; but cannot he 
guess that I am in the saloon? Really, one has to tell the men every¬ 
thing now; they have no ideas of their own. ( Opens window , and 
looks out.) 

Enter Sylvia, quickly. 

Sylvia. He is not at home. He has gone to ride on horseback. 
To ride, when I have travelled three hundred miles to see him! 
when I come to overwhelm him with reproaches — perhaps to scratch 
his eyes out! 

Princess (leaving window). Nobody. ( Seeing Sylvia.) Already 
returned? 

Sylvta. Ah, madame, I am very unhappy. 

Princess. Unhappy! You? 

Sylvia. Yes, madame. I will come straight to the point. As I 
said before, dissimulation is not my forte. 1 firmly believe in sym¬ 
pathy. I have seen you only a moment, and something tells me 
that our meeting was providential. You are young, you are pretty; 
you have loved, and you probably love at this moment. Have pity 
on me; come to my aid. My only hope is in you. 

Princess (aside). What, love in that rattle-brain? (Aloud.) 
Speak, my dear, and use me — 

Sylvia. The traitor! I did not believe I loved him so. I shall 
die — 

Princess. O, gracious ! You are pale, you are ill! (Sylvia falls 
on sofa.) 

Sylvia. It’s nothing — a little faint — 

Princess. Smell these salts. (Aside.) Hysterics imminent. 
(Aloud.) I must call — 

Sylvia (rising quickly). No, no! Let no one be witness to a 
shameful moment of weakness. He would be too proud, the mon¬ 
ster, if he knew I had cried for a moment. 

Princess .(sitting by Sylvia). Calm yourself. 

Sylvia. You are too good. I will open my heart to you. Listen. 
Young, rich, a widow, I had all of which a woman could dream, 
when I was seized with an unfortunate desire to come to Europe 
and learn what you call good breeding. All doors were opened to 
me — or rather my money; party succeeded party; I began to get 
used to your customs. One evening, especially, I waltzed several 


WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? 


7 


times with the same gentleman. The next day they told me that I 
had committed an enormous offence; that I had compromised my¬ 
self, and that my marriage with my waltzer was necessary. I did 
not understand how three waltzes could have so much weight, but 
as the gentleman was very good looking, and in good society, I was 
easily persuaded; so this indispensable marriage was arranged, and 
my lover left me to visit one’ of his castles, where we were to pass 
our honeymoon. ( During this speech she picks up , and mechani¬ 
cally folds the paper that she had thro wn on the floor.') 

Princess. How charming — that is, so far. 

Sylvia. Yes; but see the reverse of tfie medal. He left me, and 
I have not seen him since. 

Princess. Truly ? 

Sylvia. For three months. O, these men ! 

Princess. O, these men ! 

Sylvia. I waited without too much impatience. I made several 
visits; I went to the races, when a charitable friend came to see 
me, and said, “ My dear Sylvia, we see you everywhere. Now that 
you are to marry, it is wrong — it is very wrong. You must stay 
at home, or publicly disavow the marriage.” Not knowing what 
part to take, I took flight. During the journey I reflected. I began 
to think that I did not love my fiancee so very much after all, but, 
o.n reading this paper, I find that I was mistaken. On learning that 
he has deceived me, my love has shown itself immense! eternal! 
ferocious! 

Princess ( taking the paper , and rising ). This paper, did you 
say? 

Sylvia (tranquilly). Yes; it speaks of the marriage of Maurice 
de Trany. 

Princess (falling in chair, l.). Ah! 

Sylvia. Ah! (Both sigh dolefully. — Sylvia, after a short 
-pause , observes Princess.) You are ill, also. 

Princess (feebly). Ah, I shall die! 

Sylvia (rising and going to her). Smell these salts. It’s noth¬ 
ing; only too lively emotion. (Aside.) Talk to me of new made 
friends. Poor girl, how the story of my woes affects her. (Aloud.) 
Do you feel better? 

Princess (pushing her away). Leave me, madame ! Don’t come 
near me! 

Sylvia. Don’t you know me? I am your friend. 

Princess. Rather my enemy, my rival! I hate you! 

Sylvia. My rival? Are you the Princess Tchermiloff? 

Princess. Yes. 

Sylvia. How about sympathy now! Tell me — 

Princess. You know all you need to know — that is, that I am to 
be married to Maurice de Trany. 

Sylvia. We will see about that. 

Princess. I hope that you will show yourself sufficiently well- 
bred to return immediately to Paris, or somewhere else, as you 
choose. 


8 


WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? 


Sylvia. Yes, yes, ray fine Muscovite. You think to get rid of 
Donna Sylvia de Torrefies too easily. You don’t know that I have 
the blood of the Incas and the Spaniard in ray veins; that I am as 
proud and jealous as one, and savage and implacable as the other. 
By my ancestors, why don’t you advise me at once to take the veil 
or commit suicide, like the heroines of romance. Beware of me! 
I have beak and talons both. I bite, break, or tear, as you choose. 

Princess. So you remain here ? 

Sylvia. Exactly. 

Princess. You forget the absurdity of your position — rejected, 
abandoned — 

Sylvia. Bah! 

Princess. What, no shame? 

Sylvia. What do you wish? „ I have no foolish pride. 

Princess. Do you court noise and scandal? 

Sylvia. I shall not fly from them — that is all. 

Princess. Well, so be it — noise and scandal, /would brave all 
for love of Maurice, and for him I wifi battle with you till death. 

Sylvia. As you please. 

Princess. For he is mine — all mine. 

Sylvia. And mine, too. 

Princess. After all, it is so much the worse for you, if you did 
not know how to keep the love of the man that you adore. 

Sylvia. Stop! You make me pity you when I hear you speak 
of trying to dispute Maurice with me. You — poor frozen flower — 
ha, ha! Do you know that at eight years of age, when you played 
with dolls, I played with serpents; at ten, I chased eagles to the 
summit of the Cordilleras; at twelve I hunted tigers ; at fifteen — 

Princess. I don’t want to know what you did at fifteen. 

Sylvia. How — sarcastic ? 

Princess. As you please. ✓ 

Sylvia. So, you insult me? 

Princess. And you — what have you been doing for ten minutes? 

Sylvia. Let us finish this ridiculous conversation. This is my 
last word. I swear that, I living, you shall not marry Maurice! 

Princess. And this my last. I swear that, while I live, Maurice 
shall not be your husband! 

Sylvia. O, if you only had the courage! if you were only in the 
torrid zone, w^e’d soon settle this. The weapons would soon be de¬ 
cided between us, and — 

Princess. What, a duel? Just the thing. I accept. 

Sylvia. When shall we fight? 

Princess. Now. 

Sylvia. I give you the choice of arms. 

Princess. Pistols, if you please. 

Sylvia. I can drop a bird on the wing. 

Princess. I am glad of it. 

Sylvia. That is enough. I will get the weapons. ( Goes to door , 
C., and returns.') It is a duel to the death, you know. 

Princess {coldly). Yes, since I hope to kill you. 


WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? 


9 


Sylvia. Only try. * [Exit, c. 

Princess. Here is an example of sympathy. This young woman 
pleased me at first; now she is my mortal enemy. 0, Maurice! 
Maurice! while you are calmly riding, you little think that I am 
risking my life for your love. I did not know how dear you were, 
until this little fool came to dispute your heart with me. 

Enter Sylvia, with two large pistols wrapped up in a lace hand - 

kerchief. 

Sylvia. Here I am, madam. I have just bought these pistols in 
the Kursaal. I hope you will believe me when I tell you that I 
have known them, even by sight, only for a moment. 

Princess {calmly). I believe you, madame. 

Sylvia (offering instols). For the rest, you can examine them. 

Princess (drawing back). They are not loaded, are they? 

Sylvia. Are you afraid ? 

Princess. No. But — 

Sylvia. They are not loaded. I ifave got the powder and balls 
in my pocket. 

Princess {aside). That is less dangerous. 

Sylvia. What did you say ? 

Princess. Nothing. 

Sylvia. How shall we regulate the combat? 

Princess. As you wish. 

Sylvia. We will place ourselves at fifteen paces — 

Princess. That’s rather far. 

Sylvia. And walk towards each other. 

Princess. I would rather run. 

Sylvia. Well, run then, if you choose. We will fire at will. 

Princess. I accept. 

Sylvia. As to the place, you must decide. I don’t know the 
country. Where shall we go? 

Princess. To the ruins of the old castle. The place will suit ad¬ 
mirably. 

Sylvia. Then for the ruins. Forward! 

Princess {calmly). Forward! {Hesitating.) I beg you pardon, 
I wish — 

Sylvia {proudly). To offer an apology ? I won’t accept — 

Princess {proudly). An apology! What do you take me for, 
madame? I only wish to get my furs, which are in the next room. 
I am very careful of my health, and I may take cold without them. 

Sylvia {ironically). How is this, madame? 

Princess. Understand me. I am willing to die, or rather to kill 
you, but I will not run the risk of catching cold, and perhaps be de¬ 
prived of going to the ball next Saturday. [ Exit into room, k . 

Sylvia {looking into room). Not the least emotion. These 
northern women are strange. She is brave, or she must love him 
sincerely. 


10 


WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? 


Enter Princess, with furs on. 

Princess. Now we can go. 

Sylvia. I am ready. ( They go to door, c., and stop.') 

Princess. I was thinking — 

Sylvia. I too. If we should be awkward enough — 

Princess. Not to kill each other? 

Sylvia. Yes. If we should be careless and hurt each other. 
Princess. Shoot off the end of the nose. 

Sylvia. Perfectly frightful! » 

Princess. Or put out an eye ! 

Sylvia. Or lose a finger! 

Princess. Horrible! 

Sylvia. To be disfigured for life ! We must think of this. 
Princess. Death is nothing — but to be a cripple — 

Sylvia. Wait; I have an idea just ingenious enough to suit us. 
Princess. Let us hear it. 

Sylvia. Do you see that little pond over there by the hill? 
Princess. Perfectly. Well, #hat of the little pond? 

Sylvia. Listen. We will play for our lives, as the college stu¬ 
dents do for the.heart of a pretty chambermaid. She who loses will 
throw herself into the pond. 

Princess (aside ). Not a bad idea, for a savage. 

Sylvia. You understand. Instead of fire — 

Princess. Water — beautiful! But there is one little hinderance. 
Sylvia. W hat ? 

Princess. I can swim. 

Sylvia. I also. 

Princess. And I will not answer that, when once in, I will not 
try to get out again. 

Sylvia. Tie a stone to your neck. 

Princess. O, no ! I can suggest something better. 

Sylvia. Well ? 

Princess. Something more worthy of our birth, our character, 
and our love. 

Sylvia. Well? 

Princess. We both love Maurice? 

Sylvia. We have said so. 

Princess. Blindly! 

Sylvia. Yes, or enormously, or excessively, or immeasurably. 
There is not an adverb too strong for that verb. 

Princess. Well, let us bid. (Sylvia looks at her , astonished. — 
After a moment of silence.) Let us tell without cheating — 

Sylvia. Of course. 

Princess. The sacrifices we are ready to make for the man that 
we love. 

Sylvia ( extravagantly ). Blindly! 

Princess {calmly). Blindly. She who is not willing to do as 
much as the other will resign in favor of her rival. 

Sylvia. Splendid! Commence. 


WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? 


11 


Princess. I am willing to give up the opera. 

Sylvia. I the masked balls. 

Princess. I will be contented always to live in the country. 

Sylvia. I always in the provinces. 

Princess. To wear only my own hair. 

Sylvia. To cut off all mine. 

Princess. To have this tooth pulled. ( Showing a front one.') 

Sylvia. Is it genuine? {Examining it.) 

Princess {proudly). It is. 

Sylvia. And I this orte. {S howiyyj one.) 

Princess. Well, I am ready to poison myself for him. 

Sylvia. And I to hang myself. 

Princess {angrily). Mademoiselle! 

Sylvia. Madame! {Noise outside.) What noise is that? {Goes 
to window.) ’Tis Maurice. How elegant he looks on a horse. See 
him alight. Give up that man? Never! See that leg, the left 
one, now in the stirrup — 

Princess. I like the other one better. 

Sylvia. Give him up? Never! Two teeth! 

Princess. Three teeth! 

Sylvia. Four teeth! 

Princess. Five teeth! 

Sylvia. All my teeth ! O, I could bite you! 

Princess. And I could eat you! He comes; I heard him. Let 
us ask him to choose — that is the easiest. ’Tis he — Maurice! 

Sylvia {extravagantly). Maurice! (Maurice runs in, c. — His 
foot catches on the threshold , and he fails on all fours in the middle 
of the stage. — Sylvia and the Princess fall into chairs , r. and l., 
and laugh immoderately . — Maurice, on his hands and knees , looks 
from one to the other , but does not rise.) 

Princess {laughing). O, how absurd! 

Sylvia {laughing). O, dear, I hurt myself laughing so. 

Princess {laughing). What a position! 

Sylvia {laughing). See his coat-tail — his coat-tail! 

Princess {picking up gloves). Your gloves, my poor Maurice. 

Sylvia {picking up hat). Your hat, my poor dear. 

Princess. Have you hurt yourself? 

Sylvia. Are you wounded? 

Maurice {rising). Ladies, I thank you kindly; lam not hurt; I 
am not wounded, having fallen, not accidentally, but on purpose. 

Sylvia. What do you mean ? 

Maurice. I knew that I had the honor to be loved by you both; 
but I had a vague presentiment that the lovg was not very serious, 
and that my hatter, and tailor, and horse came in for the greater 
part. So I thought of this ruse, saying to myself, “ She who does 
not laugh on seeing me in a ridiculous position, will be the one who 
loves me. She who* runs to help me, will be the one whose love 
comes from the heart.” You have both laughed. You are both 
charming; but I thank you for the knowledge which permits me to 
marry another who really loves me, and who felt badly yesterday 


12 


WHICH WILL HAVE HIM? 


when I fell accidentally in the same position which has just caused 
you so much mirth. You are the first I have told of my approach¬ 
ing marriage. ( Talcing hat and gloves .) Ladies, adieu! [Exit, c. 

Sylvia. Insolence! I will be revenged. 

Princess. Impertinence! He shall hear from me. (They look 
at each other a moment , and then hurst out laughing .) 

Sylvia. O, dear! didn’t he look comical ? 

Princess. I shall never forget it. ( Clock strikes .) Ah, the time 
for my fourth glass. 

Sylvia. And time for my ride. 

Princess. We shall meet at the ball this evening? How shall 
you dress? 

Sylvia. In blue. 

Princess. Then I shall wear pink. 

Sylvia. Adieu — till this evening. 

Princess. Till this evening. O, I was mistaken — I shall be in 
blue also. 

Sylvia. Well, then, I will put on pink. 


CURTAIN. 




SPENCER’S UNIVERSAL STAGE. 


41). 


43. 


Diamond cut Diamond. An In¬ 
terlude in One Act. By W. H. Mur¬ 
ray. 10 Male, 1 Female character. 

Book after Brown. A Farce in 
One Act. By George A. Stuart, 
M. D. 6 Male, 1 Female character. 

Monseigneur. A Drama in Three 
Acts. By Thomas Archer. 15 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

A very pleasant Evening. A 
Farce in One Act. By W. E. Suter. 

3 Male characters. 

Brother Ben. A Farce in One 
Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 Male, 3 
Female characters. 

Only a Clod. A Comic Drama in 
One Act. By J. P. Simpson. 4 Male, 

1 Female character. 

Gaspardo the Gondolier. A 

Drama in Three Acts. By George 
Almar. 10 Male, 2 Female charac¬ 
ters. 

Sunshine through the Clouds. 

A Drama in One Act. By Slingsby 
Lawrence. 3 Male, 3 Female char¬ 
acters. 

Don’t Judge by Appearances. 

A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Mor¬ 
ton. 3 Male, 2 Female characters. 

IVursey Chickweed, A Farce in 
One Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

Mary Moo; or, Which shall I 
Marry? A Farce in One Act. By 
W. E. Suter. 2 Male, 1 Female 
character. 

Bast Bynne. A Drama in Five 
Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female characters. 
The Hidden Hand. A Drama in 
Five Acts. By Robert Jones. 16 
Male, 7 Female characters. 

Silverstone’s Wager. A ( ommedi- 
etta in One Act. By R. R. Andrews. 

4 Male, 3 Female characters. 

Dora. A Pastoral Drama in Three 
Acts. By Charles Reade. 5 Male, 

2 Female characters. 

Blanks and Prizes. A Farce in 
One Act. By Dexter Smith. 5 
Male, 2 Female characters. 

Old Gooseberry. A Farce in One 
Act. By T. J. Williams. 4 Male, 
2 Female characters. 


53. Who’s Who. A Farce in One Act. 

By T. J. Williams. 3 Male, 2 Fe¬ 
male characters. 

54. Bouquet. A Farce in One Act. 2 

Male, 3 Female characters. 

55. The Wife’s Secret. A Play in 

Five Acts. By George W. Lovell. 
10 Male, 2 Female characters. 

50. The Babes in the Wood. A 

Comedy in Three Acts. By Tom 
Taylor. 10 Male, 3 Female charac¬ 
ters. 

57. Putkins : Heir to Castles in the 

Air. A Comic Drama in One Act. 
By W. R. Emerson. 2 Male, 2 Fe¬ 
male characters. 

58. An Ugly Customer. A Farce in 

One Act. By Thomas J. Williams. 
3 Male, 2 Female characters. 

59. Blue and Cherry. A Comedy in 

One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female charac¬ 
ters. 

(30. A Doubtful Victory. A Comedy 
in One Act. 3 Male, 2 Female char¬ 
acters. 

61. The Scarlet Better. A Drama in 

Three Acts. 8 Male, 7 Female char¬ 
acters. 

62. Which will have Him ? A Vau¬ 

deville. 1 Male, 2 Female charac¬ 
ters. 

63. Madam is Abed. A Vaudeville in 

One Act. 2 Male, 2 Female charac¬ 
ters. 

64. The Anonymous Hiss. A Vaude¬ 

ville. 2 Male, 2 Female characters. 

65. The Cleft Stick. A Comedy in 

Three Acts. 5 Male, 3 Female char¬ 
acters. 

66. A Soldier, a Sailor, a Tinker, 

and a Tailor. A Farce in One 
Act. 4 Male, 2 Female characters. 

67. Give a Dog a Bad IVame. A 

Farce. 2 Male, 2 Female Characters. 

68. Damon and Pythias. A Farce. 

6 Male, 4 Female characters. 

69. A Husband to Order. A Serio- 

Comic Drama in Two Acts. 5 Male, 
3 Female characters. 

70. Payable on Demand. A Domes¬ 

tic Drama in Two Acts. 7 Male, 1 
Female character. 


Price , IS cents each. Descriptive Catalogue mailed free on application to 

CHARLES H. SPENCER, Agent, 

149 Washington Street, Boston. 









LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 


0 017 401 668 9 i 


Catalogue of for Amateur ^heatricak. 


f'A 


BY GEORGE M. BAKER, 

“ Tfu Mimic Stmt*;' ' ‘ Tht Social Stat*, m &•* 


DRAMAS 

Sylyta's Solmu 
Owe* oar a Tim* . 

Dow* by. m Ska . 

Bread ok tkk Way*** . 

Th* Last Loaf .... 


IN 


TWO ACTS. 

3 Male, a F emtlt Character* 

i " * 

* N I 

3 M * 

I n 3 


t» 


DRAMAS IN 


Stand by tk* Flas 
Thh Tkmptkk 


ONE ACT. 

S Male Characters. 

3 ,, r Female Character. 


FARCES.—Male and Female Character*. 
Wi’u all Tkktotallbxs 4 Mai*, a Female Character* 

A Drop too Much .... 4 „ a „ „ 

Thirty Mi Hunts for Refreshments, 4 „ 3 „ „ 

A Little mo** Cider 5 „ 3 „ 


FAROES. 

Wanted, a Malx Cook . 

A Ska of Troubles . 

Freedom of th* Prksb 
A Closb Shay* . 

Th* Grxat Elixi* 

Th* Man with th* Demijohn 
Humors of th* Stkikb . 

N*w Brooms swsbf clean 
My Uhcl* tk* Captain . 


Male Ohanieten emlj. 
4 Character* 


I 

6 

9 

t 

6 

i 


FARCES. — Female Character* **ly. 

Tkk Gkkatkst Plague ih Lira S Character* 

No Curb no Pay .... 7 „ 

Th* Grecian Bend ... 7 „ 


ALLEGORIES. — Arranged for Music and TabU 

Lighthbart’s Pilgrimage 8 Female Character* 

Th* War of the Roses . . 8 „ „ 

Th* Sculptor’s Triumph t Male, 4 Female Character* 


MUSICAL AND DRAMATIC ENTERTAINMENT*. 


Too Late for the Train 
Snow-bound ; or, Alonzo th* Bxayk 1 
and the Fair Imogen*, ) 
Bonbons; or, The Paint-Kiwo 
'kb Peddle* of Very Nic* . 

An Original Idea .... 
Capulktta ; or, Rombo and Juliet j 


* Male Characters. 

t „ 1 Female Character. 


S 

f 

t 


Character* 

x Female Character. 


Rkstorks 


CF Temperance Pieoee. 

Th* Last Loaf. The Man with th* Dkmijomn. 

We’** all Teetotaller*. A Little more Cider. 

A Drop too Much. Th* Tempter. 


Plays sent by Mail, postpaid, on receipt of 15 cent* each, with the exception o# 
“Snow-Bound” and “ Bonbons,” which are 35 cent* each. 































